I know what you are going through and I applaud your bravery for being able to share these thoughts with me. Sounds like you are struggling to understand your limitless value in the world. Please allow me to remind you you are more than how you look or how the world tries to define what is beauty. Your beauty goes beyond what people think they see devling deep into how you present in the world, how you choose to share your gifts with the world, and the fire inside of you. What makes you beautiful is your uniqueness, your singular point of view, the way others experience you, and the positive presence you play in people’s lives. Striving for perfection is a losing battle because it is a place that doesn’t exist. It is a road of false promises, insecurity, disappointment, shallow relationships, and engagement in behaviors that make us distrust what we know to be healthy and nurturing. We may feel alone, depressed, unworthy, lost but we are none of those things. Comparing one’s self to another is like comparing a mountain to the ocean; both beautiful in their own ways, both spark a sense of limitless possibility, both offer life and prosperity to many species without taking any of these attributes away from the other. Co-existing in the world to be appreciated by all who chose to experience the beauty they offer. This is you. This is me. There is enough love and acceptance in the world to be beautiful just as you are right here, right now. You are exactly as you were meant to be. Your road is your own and when you chose to engage in activities that nurture your curiosity, peak your interest, and expand your understanding of the world, beauty abounds. But as I have learned, when I allow the image in the mirror to define my place in life, I feel small, stagnant, stifled, and sad. Nothing that supports anything I want to be or how I want to show up for others. Believing I encapsulate all the beauty laying before me ignites my inner passion to celebrate who I am. I invite you to see yourself as the beauty you seek, without hesitation or question, and join me on this glorious journey.
Atitude of Gratitiude
Perusing CNN’s website, I came across a report condemning Calvin Klein’s new “Perfectly Fit” campaign featuring a 27year old attractive model, of “normal” proportions, displaying their plus sized underwear. I knew nothing about this size dysmorphic controversy until I read how this narrow-minded advertising spread led to an onslaught of backlash being spewed all over twitter. Apparently Victoria Secret also recently stepped on the “over-sized” toes of women with their “Perfect Body” campaign.
I do not agree with body shaming at all. No one has the right to judge another, as we are all uniquely imperfect beings following the path that was meant for each of us. It does blow my mind that national brands would alienate a huge (no pun intended) part of the population with their blatant discriminatory practices but being a for-profit company, I understand their short sighted need to maintain their original branding.
Being a less than “Perfect Body” woman, I recognize the anger and frustration these false ideals of women’s bodies insight in my sisterhood. But these images are everywhere; TV, movies, magazines, pop stars. Should I hide under the covers and hope that one day, these media moguls will see me as the “Perfect Body?” Or can I choose to celebrate the woman I am, mind body and spirit, and ignore these outside entities that do not represent me?
Being dismissive of these unobtainable fashion icons did not come easy and sometimes it’s a struggle. After years of endless improvement campaigns and unrelenting self-deprecation, I realized that I am not going to wake up one day and be a 5’10 blonde with a 24in waist (especially since I a 5’ and red headed). And who is to say that she is any happier, wiser, more loved or smarter than I? Acceptance was my answer. Do I accept these narrow-minded versions of what it means to be female? Absolutely not and that is my choice. I choose not to financially support companies who engage in discriminatory behaviors that pretend to know who I should be or how I should look.
There will ALWAYS be outside entities challenging my self-worth through words, thoughts, images, and behaviors. But this cannot be my concern because if I allow these forces to dictate my self-image, I will be buried in unrealistic fantasies of how life will be when I am who they say I should be.
So here’s a thought, how about I celebrate me NOW?!?!?!?! Live in gratitude for what I have, who I am, the love that surrounds me, and the endless opportunities available to be of service to the world. It’s a lot easier to accept what is versus fighting what isn’t. I want to live now, not if and when I become the “Perfectly Fit” underwear pseudo plus-size pixie plastered in the New York Times. Because that day may never come and that is coolio with me!
Insights from end-of-lifers about the cost of regrets…
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Author and Hospice Chaplin Kerry Egan works with end of life patients who share their reflections on their lives. As one elderly woman faces death, she realizes how much time she wasted hating her body, abusing it and treating it as an enemy.
After speaking with several people facing their final departure, Egan concluded, “they lived their lives thinking their bodies were something to tolerate at best, something to criticize, to despise, at worst – a problem they could never correct.” Another younger patient realizes she will miss most is how her body “danced and ate and swam and had sex and made babies.” She admits, “and to think I spent all those years criticizing how it looked and never noticing how good it felt – until now when it never feels good.”
The elderly woman confesses, “Everyone told me – my family, my school, my church. When I got older, magazines and salesgirls and boyfriends (told me), even if they didn’t say so out loud. The world’s been telling me for 75 years that my body is bad. First for being female, then for being fat and then for being sick.”
Why does society dictate how we should treat our bodies? Why do we allow other’s thoughts about our appearance outweigh what we think about ourselves? Instead of appreciating the unconditional support our bodies gives us every day, we choose to do things causing it harm and discomfort with often long lasting effects.
But today is a new day. We can choose to celebrate our uniqueness. We can be thankful for our bodies that show up for life and those around us. We can see our bodies as our homes and treat them with the love and care we would want anything cherished to feel. We can recognize that hating our bodies has only left us feeling inadequate, resentful, and unhappy.
I know this may sound scary but sit for a moment and reflect on how your current mindset toward your body makes you feel every minute of every day. Only you can decide if a new way of experiencing your body can end the war with it. It’s time for a cease fire from the constant battle of derogatory comments that only make you feel worse.
So how about trying something new? Change can be fear provoking BUT it can also improve the quality of our lives. Change introduces us to new opportunities for growth and expansion of our circle of knowledge. And if you have been doing something for a long time and it’s not working, or you feel just as bad about yourself as you always have, isn’t it time for another option?
I will never be a 5’10 blonde twenty-something so why spend time and energy hoping that I will wake up one day and be transformed. And who says that my life would be any better or my problems would be less in another body? There are no guarantees in life except for what is happening here and now. So why not embrace my curves, appreciate my curly red hair and honor my vivacious personality? If I don’t, who will?
Acceptance of what exists is the key. Acknowledge the beauty of your terminal uniqueness. NO ONE will every be you. You are a one of a kind, truly special.
Sourced from Chaplain Kerry Egan’s CNN article at http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/16/health/dying-regret-body-hate/index.html
To Have or Not To Have a Thigh Gap
Apparently Thigh Gaps are a measure of a woman’s femininity. Interesting how a biologically derived trait determines how a woman interacts with her complex world. Having space between your legs means you are attractive, desirable, and worthy of attention. Seriously???? Doesn’t this ring of prejudice against those whose bodies don’t conform to this anatomical predisposition? Do women with thigh gaps live longer? Are they happier? Are they better paid or treated with more respect than those of us whose thighs touch, even chafe on warm days?
I want to start a trend that represents the benchmark for which all women measure their attractiveness. Maybe it totes that stomach bulges are sexy or unshaven legs are eco-friendly. Perhaps the size of your pants directly correlates to your level of intelligence? Whatever I choose, I would be misguided to think that the 7Billion women in the world could be compared by 1 attribute. I mean the ability to breath makes sense because it’s a must for survival but who says being a certain weight or having a twerkable booty makes you superior to those less endowed? Instead of valuing people by how they look, what if we considered their behaviors, intentions, actions? YES I know this would take much more time and energy when perusing a party to determine who to target. But at least you wouldn’t need to carry a wooden dowel.
Thigh gap or not, you rock.
"Stop talking about my friend that way."
When a friend was trash talking herself, I interrupted her by saying, “Stop talking about my friend that way." After a chuckle, she continued to justify her warped evaluation of her behavior. Little did I know, I sparked a defining moment in how she chooses to see herself.
Why are we much more compassionate toward our friends, family members, even our pets than we are to ourselves? Why do we accept the flaws in others when we vilify ourselves for making the same mistakes? Why do we perceive ourselves as failures when others are just being human?
Acceptance and self-compassion are the keys to this labyrinth of self destruction.
Dr. Kristin Neff, Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture, at the University of Texas Austin, studies the contrasting ways people view themselves versus how they view others. Her research suggests that being in acceptance of who we are begins the journey to living a healthy life. People possessing self-compassion have shown to exhibit the following.
- Less depression
- Less anxiety
- More happiness
- More optimistic
- Better eating habits
If these are the byproducts of treating ourselves with compassion, respect, and gentleness……why not take a chance and try it? We do so much to change our outsides but we are powerless over the loud internal dialogue that tells us we aren’t good enough or we aren’t doing something right. When we treat ourselves harshly, we not only destroy our true spirit but we allow life to act upon us instead of being an active participant in it.
I choose to be kind to myself. I invite happiness, optimism, and good health into my life by approaching my thoughts and actions with a gentle hand and spirit.
Will you?
Why Weight?
Why weight for what?
Why weight? is my mission to redefine what it means to be healthy. While weight is a contributing factor, it must not define who we are or what we can do. Life does not begin and end at a size 2. It starts now because the journey far outweighs the unrealistic finish line we imagine we must cross in order to be worthy of love, acceptance, and the limitless gifts life has in store for us.
Will you join me?